Shall we have trust?

Trust is a basic emotion that we should have for people. However, to what extend can we trust a person?

After 20+ years of being human, I find trusting another human being so hard. It's very hurtful that the person you trust let you down. At the end of the day, you just wished you haven't trusted anyone.

During my university days, I joined a community service program to a village. I brought something very important to me along with me. It was my first electronic dictionary. Those days, e-dictionaries cost RM1000+. It meant a lot to me as the it was the first ever possession that I used my own money to buy. I had been saving the ang pow money for years for that.

I was in the bus from MMU to the village. I put my e-dictionary in a transparent file together with some teaching materials. I was holding it all the time in the bus. While we reached, I forgot whether I was carrying other computers out the bus or went to the toilet. When I wanted to get back to the bus to get my dictionary, Yee Peng and Kok Thong stopped me. They said all our things had already been moved down the bus.

When I asked them whether they took my file which I put up the dashboard. They said that the bus was empty. They asked me to check my luggage on the floor. While I was checking my bags, the bus left. The file was no where to be found. As I told them my file was still in the bus, they did nothing. They thought I over reacted and said coolly that we could get the file later when we get back from the village to MMU.

I waited patiently for the few days to pass. Finally, the bus arrived. I checked the dashboard above my seat, my file was no where to be found. I asked the bus driver but he said he hadn't seen it. Then, I checked the dashboard above the driver seat, The file was there! He lied!

When I looked into my transparent file, my heart sank. My e-dictionary was gone. I asked the driver where was the e-dictionary in the file. The driver claimed that another bus driver might have taken it. He gave me the name of the driver which I have now forgotten.

I then went back to MMU to look for the bus drivers. All claimed that they did not take it. I filed a lost item to the MMU management but was not being looked into. I had gone back and forth the management office for several times but still no news.

I always thought, I was so close to not losing it. If I insisted in getting in the bus to check rather than trusting both of them, will I get so much pain every now and then? I guess the pain is not because of losing things, it is the fact that you trust the wrong person.

No one console me while I cried back then. In fact, I guess maybe no one knows about this incident. Now only I knew that I was so tough back then. I didn't seek help from anyone and dealt with this all alone. I didn't want to make a big fuss out of it. I don't think my family members knew the details too, do you sisters?

You know what I thought back then? I thought, hopefully it was given to a bus driver who had kids. At least the kids would be able to learn from it. If they could put it to full use, I guess I helped out in their studies too.

As for the trust part, I guess you should always leave room for accidents. Sometimes even we make mistakes ourselves, how can we demand more from others? I guess trust comes with a certain extend. If it is really important, it is better to do it ourselves. If you can't do it yourself, then I guess you can just trust with low expectations. ^_^