I can't believe that my first post of the year will be this depressing. Too much time alone to think indeed leads to a lot of weird thinking. Well, I guess that's why I need to keep myself really occupied all the time.
I was driving late at night back home. My car was filled with mosquitos. As I had opened my car door and stood in front of a gigantic drain after I cried over a book which fell into it. There were so many mosquitos that I could see some flying before me, hear them buzzing around my ears and feel them around my legs.
It's funny that I would cry when I got angry. I guess I didn't know how to channel my anger. I could not kill them. Even if I could, there were so many of them. How to kill? After all, who was I to decide whether they should live or die tonight?
I then calmed myself. I thought, "They're going to die soon. Life is short for a mosquito. They have at most 100 days to live. Just let them suck my blood, not long after, they shall give birth and die." I sounded like I had an eternal life here on earth. Probably a turtle might say the same thing to me, "Let this human enjoy, have kids and die!"
I thought, I hoped I can be with him for today. "Then what?" I asked.
"Then I want to be his wife, be a good wife."
"Then what?"
"Then I want to have kids with him. I want to educate them to be good people."
"Then what?"
"Then there will be more good people?"
"Then what?"
"Then I die?"
"Then what?"
"I guess I will go to heaven?"
"Then what?"
"Stay in heaven forever?"
"Then what?"
"......"
I didn't know how to answer myself. Some people I know are seeking for wealth. Some are seeking for the meaning of life. Some people wants to spend their lives helping others. People live in ways they find their lives most meaningful. Then what? The ultimate question should be, for what? So that they can live in heaven? For what? So that they can leave their name to live in this world? For what?
Don't worry, I am not depressed. I won't get myself into depression anyway, for what? Like how every human is gonna be, I will eat, talk, sleep, probably make a few babies (2 is more than enough) and die. Skipping some of the steps in life does not make one lucky or the other way round.
You'd probably not understand what I mean, neither would I. Well, humans do talk craps sometimes.
6 comments:
Well my dear, think it this way, you only live "once", why dun you spend your life in the most meaningful way and live your life to the max? I mean, the life is all yours and your are the director of your life, try to come out a special and the most meaningful one. Wish you all the best!
Don't worry! You see I so active sure you know I will live a meaningful life! Ohoho~
Book!! what book u dropped in the drain? trow or drop? OMG, dun b so sad lup.
Xv throw lo. Then he picked it up from the drain. Ohoho!
The book is "new moon" now became smelly old moon.
Hahaha... the turtle part is so funny...
Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR and please cheer up!
Hope you happy forever and then whaat!
Well, it's unexpected to have you here Xwei. Thanks a lot for dropping by. Your message is so sweet! Thanks and happy new year too!!
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