Being positive about being negative

I was sad, really sad. It seemed like all the bad things happened together. Did I think that I attracted them? (Law of attraction?) I didn’t care acting happy because I was sick being cheerful. Well, at least for the time being.

It was like 1.30am in the morning when I reached my apartment. Well, I worked late and I left the company at almost 1am. When I reached the guardhouse of my apartment, the security guard gave me a hard time, as my access card didn’t work. They directed me to park my car in the visitor car park near by the monkey trees*.

Afraid of being attack by monkeys, I had a hard time getting out the car. It got worst when the rain started to pour. I thought since I could shower once I was home, why bothered to use a stupid umbrella? By the way, the visitor car park was like really far and without sheds.

When I was in front of my apartment door, I was already wet. As I put my key into the lock, my key did not work. It was only seconds when I found that, the lock was not the lock I usually used. Someone has changed it!

I called my housemate but she did not pick up the phone. Standing wet in front of the door, helplessly, I found my eyes not big enough to shallow all my tears. They flew down generously to my already wet body.

It was a really tough day. My work was giving me a headache. There were so many new processes that I need to follow up daily. I received a few complaints for getting it wrong. And then I was answering so many calls for the past few days that my number of calls outbid other agents, just to find that my team leader made a mistake on setting the priority of call queues.

I was really tired. I was tired being cheerful when I was not. Tears could flow so easily sometimes. But when a call came in, I wiped my tears and go, “Thank you for calling….” And it was always cheerful.

I was still standing in front of my apartment door when all the negativity filled me. No one answered my phone. No one bothered when I knocked the door so hard. I gave up and jumped into a sea of tears…

I had the least idea where I could go now. Even if I managed to find a place to stay the night, what about my clothes? How was I going to work the next day?

Then, the thought of my vacation made me even depressed. It was supposed to be a holiday but I didn’t feel in the mood for one yet. I only had two days to buy my swim wear and sun lotion. And I had yet to exchange currency. I was going on a four days vacation but only managed to get one day off work. Apparently, my second day leave was rejected coldly. I had a night flight back but I was required to work the next day.

While I was shedding my tears, my phone rang. My housemate finally called and not long after, I was let into the house. I didn’t know how I should feel, furious or rescued?

***

A lot of times when I am negative, I will just let it be. I guess I will feel even more tired if I keep pushing myself to feel positive. There is nothing wrong with feeling negative. If you feel negative about feeling negative, I guess you will definitely have a hard time fighting it. But if you feel positive about it, you will always be positive.