Rain

The sky was so dark and it looked as though it was night already.

Was it me or was it you?

I have tried to find the courage to message you, to email you. Every time when I looked at your name, I stumbled. I panicked.

Is it really necessary to let you know what is in this heart?

I always thought I am good in expressing myself. I thought I have no issues expressing love to others. But I guess for the first time in life, I stumbled.

We stood before a glass door in a building. Outside, it was pouring heavily.

You were holding a big sky blue umbrella. You offered to shed me to my vehicle. I hesitated for a while. I could not resist the offer, I agreed.

You began to roll your our long pants to your knee level. As we were walking out the building, I hesitated. You opened the umbrella and held my hand. Warm filled my body and I didn't feel cold anymore. I liked the warmth of your hands and I didn't want to let go.

Half way through the heavy rain, we were already all wet. Our destination seemed so far. Unfortunately, the umbrella was spoiled and we decided to turn back. We went back to the building where we started. But we were all wet and frozen.

There we stood, behind the glass door again, watching the rain pouring outside. We were going no where anymore.

Bur Bur 的生活

不知道什么时候开始，患上了残忍的失眠症。我跟以前的室友说，我现在的失眠大概是报应。她不禁的笑了。在她面前，我都不需要多说。我，以前真的很喜欢睡觉，一天睡到晚可是家常便饭。我以为我这一辈子都不会知道什么是失眠了。哈哈，没想到上天还待我不薄，终于也让我体会到妈妈失眠的痛苦。

每天好早就放工回家。每次都跟自己说要好好的睡一觉。真的好像好久都没有好好睡了。有时候，七点多就冲完凉躺在床上。要睡一个十二小时才能补补之前的失眠。可是，很少会成功。有时候好运的话，就会一觉睡天明。不好运的话，半夜会胃疼醒来，然后再也睡不回。

不了解的人通常都会问同一个问题，“你为什么会失眠呢？” 说真的，我自己也不知道是到底是自己怎么了。是不是房间太热？是不是胃痛？是不是自己想太多？是不是有困扰的事情？这些到底是不是失眠的原因，我自己也不知道。

在这些日子里，自己常常做事不能集中，又常忘记东西，过着迷迷糊糊的生活。有时候朋友要说两次才听得到。最危险就莫过于驾车的时候。有时候真的觉得头脑一片空白，走过的路既然不记得。是我的潜意识在驾车吗？我刚才有睡着吗？这次糟了啦！

常常都想为什么？Why？以为只要找到原因，我就不会再失眠。可是，我又能做什么呢？我只知道，失眠经已令我很累，很累了；很苦，很苦了。

所以，我想，我不应该再去研究为什么会失眠了。人生那么苦短，与其浪费时间，倒不如珍惜现在的生活。即使活得糊涂，也要让生命不留白。

Bur 就 bur 了。糊涂就糊涂了！人生也难得糊涂啊！

爺爺祝你生日快樂 (Grandpa wishes you a Happy Birthday)

I had an image of a card, a birthday card with traditional Chinese hand-writing. The card read "Grandpa wishes you a Happy Birthday".

xxx

When I was little, I loved playing with grandpa. Grandpa looked very much like Santa. He had a big belly and wore thick glasses. Grandpa was like the father I never had. He was always very big. All the grandchild liked to gather around grandpa to listen to his stories. He would tell us about stories of his during World War II and some of the legendary ancient stories.

Grandpa did not live with us, but he would come to visit us every Sunday night. Therefore, every week we would free our time to expect grandpa. I guess grandpa had good eyesight. It was not easy for a 70-year-old to drive at night. I remembered how we used to send grandpa off. We would wave to grandpa until his car was out of sight. Grandpa would always wave back to us with one hand on the steering wheel. Some of the times, I would ran out the main gate and see grandpa's car vanished as he turned right at the junction.

I guess I could never do that anymore. Grandpa was dead 10 years ago. He was gone before I knew how to be concern about him. I have not buy anything for him with the money I have earned. I have not said thank you to him for bringing me and my family together.

Grandpa has a very kind heart. He would not harm any insect. Every time when we were trying to hurt an insect, he would stop us. He would tell us that it might be our ancestors who came to pay us a visit. I guessed it worked, we didn't harm them.

I remember grandpa in so many ways. I always think that grandpa had the biggest hand in the family and I liked to play 點蟲蟲 with him. I would put my little hand in grandpa's palm and sang, “點蟲蟲，蟲蟲飛！” As I stopped singing, I would move my hand out of grandpa's palm as soon as I can, but grandpa was always faster. He would grab my little hand in time. We laughed and giggled all the time.

Just like Santa, grandpa gave us present during Christmas! Mainly it's because my sister's and my birthday falls 2-3 days after Christmas. Therefore, every grandchild in the family shared our birthday. *chuckles* The wishes inside the birthday card was written by grandpa himself. I was so proud of him!

I miss my grandpa a lot. My grandpa was a fantastic person and he will always be remembered (not only during Ching Ming).

New Year, New Look?

A very happy Chinese new year to everyone!! This year is the tiger WooHoo year!! I have decided to have a fresh look to celebrate this auspicious year! YEAH!!!

GONG XI FATT CHAI!!

Updates:
A lot of friends thought that I have short hair now but apparently, the picture above is just a creation of photoshop. *Please don't hate me, I love you!*

I guess I am quite timid when it comes to trying new hair styles. I am indeed very happy that I receive a lot of sincere comments. And I am very glad that my friends help me with this "big" decision of mine.

Stay tune for more updates..

Resolutions (2009-2010)

Happy New Year!! *Hurray*

I always love crowds. Although I didn't go out to join the crowd for the new year countdown, my heart was very much at ease as I celebrated the 1st of Jan with my love ones. My heart is finally home again.

I am very blessed in the year of 2009. I have matured myself in so many ways. I am blessed that my family and friends are very supportive and caring. I want to thank all of you and you know who you are. "Thank you very much for standing by me!" *Hugs and Kisses*

Let's not waste anytime and review my 2009 resolutions!

Health and diet:
- Ran a 10KM marathon!
- Conquered Broga Hill!
- Taken up badminton with my colleagues.
- Completed the yoga course.

2010: Keep it up!


Family:
I just find my family members are too cute! I love them very much and I want them to stay how they are. Except erm... well, you know..

2010: I will come home more often in 2010!


Financial:
I realized that financial status should not be disclosed in blogs.


Personal growth:
- Cultivated reading habit, finished the Twilight Saga series.
- I managed to restrict myself in buying fashion magazines. In 2009, I have totally cut out "CLEO" and "Female".
- Being awarded as a Gold agent for call and monitoring.
- Terminated the master program project.
- I changed my wardrobe to more formal attire to work. (This project will be terminated in 2010)
- Set up a cozy room with the help of friends. Set up my wardrobe and cupboards myself.

2010: Keep it up!


Charity:
This is a new column which I find very important. Filling time with charity events are so meaningful.
- Joined the famine 30 hours! Collected donation from my friends and colleagues for the children.
- Had my first blood donation.
- Sponsored a child (since 2008)
- Recycle goods.

2010:
- Spend more time in charity activities.
- Will try to use containers for food take away.


Leisure and fun:
This column is terminated.

A special thank you to Xavier for getting me both of the diaries above for 2 continuous years!

In the year of 2010, I just hope that I can be a more loving person. I hope to be a better person, a better granddaughter, a better daughter, a better sister and a better friend.